Amira Africa was humbled to catch up with one Esther Muthoni Waruri. However before she shared with us her story she had a message to share with us:
You are out there maybe expectant and scared wondering what to do? Well it is not the end of life your life has actually began and do not think on short term that is, what will people say? My parents will kill me? How will I provide for my child? I mean all kinds of questions are lingering on your mind now but the only thing that will help you decide is thinking long term such as how it will feel when u hold your baby. How beautiful your baby will be and just as many good thoughts you have ever pictured of your child. Positive thinking is powerful and the minute you entertain it you will have set your mind to present good results. Do the right thing and give your child the right that she/he has of living. Being a single young mum means that you and your child have met a little early but it also means you get to love your child a little longer. Some people may say your life has ended because of having a baby but your life has just begun. Your child hasn’t taken your future away but has actually given u a new brighter one.
Here is my journey into motherhood…
I was all stressed out because of being late but I knew there was no way I was expecting a bun in the oven. Somehow, I felt something wasn’t right. So I decided to take a test and get over with the anxiety. I took the test with a close friend given that it was my first time. Moreover, I needed moral support. At that time you have no patience as all you want is answers. Well, the test took time so I kept telling myself there wasn’t really anything to worry about until I saw the two lines showing on the pregnancy kit and that’s when I knew my whole world was about to change. Once I saw those two lines appear I was so shocked that I couldn’t even cry but somehow I was still in denial. The previous night I had mentioned to my ex that I was late but what he responded wasn’t something I expected to hear. “I think the best thing is to terminate it if it’s there because it will destroy your life, I mean you will drop out of school and become miserable”. Those were his words and all I could think of after seeing the results is how he would react when I told him the news.
I waited for him to meet up with me because he wanted to have a discussion. He arrived and I cut to the chase by showing him the pregnancy test kit which showed it was positive. I had always hoped that I would say those words when I’m all settled down married to the love of my life and achieved most of my goals. You know, just that perfect life we all think of called the future. Life happens and being pregnant was one of the scary things but also the best thing a lady would ever wish for. Well, he was too overwhelmed by the news that he didn’t have much to say. All he wanted was for me to carry out an abortion. That wasn’t an option for me considering how I was raised, I knew better. I always told myself that I would never abort if I ever got a child out of wedlock and so I chose life. We definitely weren’t on the same page. I mean he even went ahead to tell me that he can introduce me to his cousin who had aborted and show me how her life is all better without a baby. I could not believe the words that were coming out of his mouth and to think that he is the father of my unborn child, hurt me more. At that point, I realized it was just my baby and I. We argued for sometime as I tried to make him see sense but to no avail.
Realizing that there was no head way, I thought to give him time to go think things through. I mean cut him some slack maybe he is just too overwhelmed and isn’t at his right state of mind… so I told him, “I have made up my mind I am keeping the pregnancy and so it’s best if you go think about it carefully because this is an innocent child’s life we are talking about. Not just any child but our child so please think about it.” All he had to say was that he had also made up his mind that he wants the pregnancy terminated and that there was nothing to think about. After that I did not hear from him or see him for two days. My heart just sank for I was heartbroken, confused, scared, and worried. Just every emotion you could think of. I was just too overwhelmed. All kinds of questions lingered in my mind. What will my family say? How will I raise this child? What will people say or think of me? Here i am 20 years old with no job with one year to finish my degree raised by a single parent who is already trying her best to provide for me and my elder sibling. A disappointment is what i was or so I thought at the moment. My parent’s reaction is all that scared me. i was certain that she would support me but before that she would probably chase me from home and get extremely mad at me. After we parted I just wanted to wake up from this nightmare so I called my very close friend who is like family to me to talk to her but she didn’t pick up.
I was in desperate need to talk to someone and assure me that all will be well. I thought maybe if I shared it with her somehow it would sink in that i am actually going to be a mum, a single mum for that matter. So since I couldn’t get a hold of her I left her a text and started pondering on how I would break the news to my family starting with my elder sister whom I lived with. I was actually more scared of telling her than my mum because she was the one who partly raised me as my mum lives abroad. I called up her best friend and told her that I needed to talk to her urgently and we met up and went home together that day. I told her the news and she was quite understanding and supportive of my decision. we got home and we agreed that we would my tell my sister together… as they sat there just catching up about the day all I could think of is how my sister was going to throw me out of the house and be ashamed of me and just any other negative thought I would think of. I left the room and told her best friend to tell her because I did not have the courage. After a minute or so all I heard was someone scream so loud and my heart just sank and started beating fast. I did not know what to expect from here on as I was scared to bits! What will become of me?