BABY NUMBER 2.

……two weeks after seated in one of the food places at the hub in Karen, ordered a smoothie unsure if I am going to drink it as the thoughts take turns torturing me on the next step to take as I wait for the man to come from the male bathrooms. He was not sure if he wants to sit down because of the anxiety as I was taking the pregnancy tests in the ladies bathroom. Wondering if maybe he could not take the heat so he got in his car and left me *just like the first one* or he is preparing his speech on how he is not financially stable but with all his might he will hustle from his friends and bring me 10,000shs to get rid of her or him, I am not sure anymore *just like the first one*. Can’t he just use the same energy and fend for us. Will he make me his wife? This is my entire fault, I know I do not like family planning but surely I should have considered it after the first baby, I am such a fool. I shouldn’t even have had sex in the first place. I should have learned, that is what everyone expected me to do. Learn! At least now that kosa si kosa, kosa ni kulirudia kosa. *a mistake is only considered a mistake when it is repeated twice* what will my mummy say this time round? What about my father who was so reluctant to keep me under his roof the first time? What will happen? What about my first born son? What about these two children from different fathers? How will they look at me in future when I scold them for a wrong they did? But wait? Will he leave just like the first one because after all the first one did not stay? My education.. Man! I should have finished with that first… but now what? will I ever finish? I am pro-life but maybe if I abort this one now, I will be more careful next time but then again I want him or her to live. What if he is the one who will be my hope for tomorrow? Please God, show me a sign! Please! Then again I feel scared! Why God? Why me? Ah! I am done for! Why would you let this happen to me?

*the one about to be a father walking towards me*

….”so what is the result?*

I could keep quiet and not tell him. I could run away and do whatever. It could be my little secret. I could say negative, I want to say negative, It is negative, all the four pregnancy tests were wrong. I am sure! It is a problem from the manufacturer; in fact I will sue the company. It has to be negative. It is negative.

…”it is positive!”

…*silence* “you are going to have my baby! I will stand by you and my baby!” *just like the first one*……..

AFRICAN MOTHERS

Teenage and young adult pregnancy is on the rise in our country. A lot of people who care to ask are concerned as to where the problem is? Why are our girls getting pregnant at such young ages? Why are our boys not taking responsibility? From an economist point of view it also in turns affects our economy when we have young girls stop their education to take care of their baby because they lack the support from close family and friends.so the economists are also asking what can be done to curb this or help these young mothers?  Is it that we are not teaching our children sex education from the word go? Is it that we are introducing family planning methods to them at such a young age? Is it that we are too strict that they seek out freedom elsewhere and in turn are taught different things by their friends one of them is that it is cool to have sex? Where is the problem really? Is it something that the whole society can come together and tackle?

Amira Africa creates a platform for young mothers to come together connect, encourage, elevate and inspire one another to run their race. So far the journey has been worth it. However hand in hand with this we are not encouraging ladies to get pregnant because we are there for them because we have many triumph stories, we are encouraging those behind us not to get pregnant. P.s not encouraging abortion but saying let us not get pregnant in the first place. I find it that society is harsh to the young lady who gets pregnant at such a young age and most harsh the one who has more than one baby, worse so if they are all from different men. I am not here to judge nor  take sides and say that is wrong that the young adult is having a second baby at 22years or I congratulate them for having another one irrespective of knowing how harder it will be, this time round especially when not done with school.

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Should I text her? Should I tell her I am having a baby with someone else? Should I tell her that I don’t love this other lady and I will stand by both my babies but I want to be with her and not this other baby mama? Is this some sort of curse? Is it because I was not responsible with my first baby? Will he forgive me for running away and making up excuses every day?

*picks up phone* ….*texts* *deletes texts*

*calls..* *rings* ..*she is not picking up*

Ah! Did I not learn the first time? How will I take care of two babies though? Maybe I should tell her to abort. I am just 22years. But that baby is innocent. Let me just go away like the first one. I am sure my son and daughter or sons will forgive me when they grow up. I will explain myself that I wanted to stay but I had no means, it is the truth anyway, I want to stay babies, I do. For you but I am not strong enough. My boyz are out partying in every town, I am too young. I don’t have the money. I want to live my younger days first but I want you to be there with me as well. I don’t know what to do. Maybe it is a generational curse. First though, I have to think, I have to think far away but I promise if you want to meet me I will be willing to as well, I am willing now. i do not want my children growing without knowing me. I am their father! I am. Though I have to go away first. Wait? Let me stay. Yes I will stay. No I will go. Stay! Go!  Go….

*texts.. “I am having a baby with someone else. Just thought you should know”

“Whoa! Congratulations to you both. I guess. Goodnight. Baby is fine.”

Go….

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Love,

Fi <3

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