When you are twenty years old and find out that you are pregnant, the first thing that goes through your mind is denial.
At least that is what happened to me. I saw the dreams that I had set for myself crush right before me and the disappointment that would be in both my parents eyes when they got to hear the news from me. I just wasn’t sure if I could stand their facial expressions after they had raised me to be pure and to walk in a Godly manner. I really did not care what my friends would think at that point; all that ran through my mind were my parents. It was more of the shame I had brought to them. Not for a second did I think of myself. I thought maybe my uncle who loved to wear red had missed to visit me because of the change in climate or the change in food, but not pregnancy.
It is really quite funny now that I think of it, my baby father occasionally would tell me that I was pregnant because of my change in behaviour and I was easily irritated but I would brush it off. And one day he sat me down asking me what if I was expecting a baby and he went on and on about what we should do and how we will raise the baby. Of course I did not pay much attention that day because I was really not interested in such talks. So I decided that since he seemed to be convinced I was with child,I would test his support. I arranged a meeting with him and my eldest brother, where he claimed that he would take full responsibility of the child. (If I was an animal I guess I would be an eagle for it is a habit, I test people before I trust them.) I remember him asking me if I thought a baby was a pair of new shoes because I was taking it as a joke. But you see it was not in my head that I would be the mother of his first born son in eight months. So we agreed that I would take the pregnancy test the next day. I agreed so fast for as you know by now it was the last thing on my mind. You should have seen my face when I saw two lines on that paper, all my machoness (not sure if that is a word) ran out of the door like that. Whooooosh!!
We then decided to walk around in Karen, where we had taken the tests. I was not sure I was ready to go home. Meanwhile, he was busy making promises to me and our unborn child. Thoughts were running through my mind. I just wanted to disappear or perhaps go back in time. I was sooo confused, my eyes were hot and I just wanted to cry! I was going to stop my education, what if he abandoned me to do this alone? Ah! My life was over! Though he went on and on, offering me assuarance, it did not help much at the moment. He decided to take me to get some bites hoping that it would help me to calm down. They say there is something about food and moods, but on this day it did not help me at all.
I have always been the one to tell my friends not to abort and as if the universe was now testing my strength it put me in the same situation. I told myself though, if the Lord did not want this baby to live I would get a miscarriage, but abortion was not an option. That evening when I got home I went straight to my room, locked it and wept myself to sleep like a little child, the words of my boyfriend in my mind (“I will never leave you alone in this, we are together. I love you so much! Do not do anything stupid to our child!”). At least I had his support and love, it made it a bit easier for me.
I choose life!!
For those who want to share their motherhood experiences drop us an email in firstname.lastname@example.org.
P.S: You are amazing:)