I aspire to be a mom, but unleashing of my dreams would not let me be.
Being 25, I know I have the perfect body, mindset and soul of being a mom.
My emotions say so, my body craves to, my mindset tells me to, my soul aspires to be a mom but my dreams would not let me be.
The thought would not go away, for at 25 it’s possible.
Yes I got love but that only love cannot put the future of my child together.
She has a father, many can father her and many would want her but what if not everything goes as I planned, we planned, we thought to plan.
I think twice; sometimes I get heartbroken the stories of a marriage, the hardships that it comes with it.
Not being able to make up to my little angle, my unborn angel, and my unseen angel is what makes me not to aspire to the very much mom.
Yes, I got a job but it can only sustain the selfish object; me, myself and I.
I want to be a father and the same time a mother of my unborn. I want to be everything to her, and she has to feel welcomed in my womb, to feel my warmest embrace, to never be ashamed of being conceived in my world, no regrets, and no resentments.
I got dozen of reasons to say this but there is one reason that makes me prepared and waits patiently for my little angel…” ‘she said’ , Dear Girl I want you to have a better life than me, ‘she said’, To get a good job so that you can raise a family and lastly ‘she said’, am not the kind of people that you look up to but I said…
“Mama I do not think you understand, I JUST WANT TO BE LIKE YOU…for she is among the brave mothers in the world living today, she made sense though to what she has always said to me; though the love and the will and a humble upbringing of my sisters and I, she has always wanted the best for us.
My Mama never wanted me to share her unfortunate fate even though she has made it this far.
She tells me …”Daughter your star has not struck yet!”So here I am at 25 just aspiring to be a mom but my dreams would not let me…………..
I feel the crying, the laughter, the smell of a young one, I see little ones being carried on their back, I see toddlers, and I taste their tears and all this images are so real, but when I wake up they are just illusions. Waking up from reality is what makes them seem to be illusions. I still remember sometimes back, it was so easy to be a mother, because all you needed is an educated husband who has a good job that is sustainable. That is a long lost dream for that was in our mothers’ time.
Time is of Essence, everything that happens is controlled by a speck of time. It makes me wonder if time was not there how easy it would be for my echo cry of being called a mother. I flashback, so many miles away in time, when I was still younger and my mother’s milk had not left from my lips. Mommy used to leave me in charge of my sisters, I had hold the responsibility of taking care of my sisters with homework,sleep,bathing,eating and all the tiny little things they wanted me to do for them. Mother was so proud of me and she told me how I would become the best in raising my own.
My sister, our third born was always happy because I was there for her, I was a second mother to her ,I would take all her blame, faults and her pain for I would soothe her to sleep after a long hours of crying.
While still growing up, I had a greater responsibility caring not only for everyone but for my parents. I was responsible of how people would eat and what they will eat and what they wanted to eat. It was always an honor to know the needs of each and everyone. I felt proud and high self esteem, controlling the basic needs of the family and taking my siblings to school and doing for them shopping; the best experience ever from home. That always made me sure that when I will be of this aspiring age, I could be among the best mothers in the world.
Here I am at 25, not having a space for my own. The nitty gritty things that never seem to apply anywhere now they come in my thoughts and dreams. Ignorance an acceptable rule in the mind but in the world a crucial weapon to possess it. When I was ignorant about being a mother some day, all I thought of was; my wardrobe, my beauty, my kind of man and my dreams but a baby never cared about it. Being ignorant at the time it will come, being inconsiderate at my timing of being pregnant.
It hits me hard as a rock that there is something called”fibroids”, something that my mommy discussed at length about it. When the uterus is tired of crying and shedding its tears and it starts punishing itself for not being able to make a ‘Creation of God’. I even never gave a second thought on that kind of health, being healthy in your reproductive system. It comes with a price when that reproductive system is not taken care of.
At 30 or From 30,would you be able to hold a high self esteem of fertility like you had the opportunity at 25?that question is what makes my sensations awake and very aware of that unborn.
Abortion, legal when it comes to matters of rape and when the health of the mother is in danger. Abortion illegal when you want to get rid off because you cannot up bring her, you cannot provide for her, it was unwanted and it will crash your dreams. This word makes my fears run down the spine, what if you get accidentally, will you abort her? I have always been the one against it but what if it crashes all of me as it is proposed to say that she is a blessing. Would I really do abortion? I would not! For she maybe my last and first to be conceived in my womb, she maybe “the Makers of The Nation”, she maybe a “Heroine to save lives and leave permanent positive scars in lives across the nations. She maybe the miracle that can change my life forever and make me move to great steps of success.She must for whether good or bad, she is a human like me!
My unborn is human more human than me, she is fragile, she always bleeds when not fertilized, and she crashes down into pieces when she falls out, because she is just a little human. I have the power to control her creation, so she must be!
Here I am at 25, not knowing what, when and how she will be unborn to be born, unseen to be seen little angel but she must be!