I finally was able to finish my parenting classes the other week; I already miss my fellow mothers and facilitators. I am already wondering what I will be engaging in on Saturday morning, been a while since I slept in late for I am always up by 6am least Ashley leaves me.
One constant thing I took out from the class among others was forgiveness. Forgiving yourself, your past situations or even external factors such as other people in your life journey. Since this is a young mother’s blog, the people who come to mind as “deserving” our forgiveness may be:
- Baby daddy because he left you out in the cold.
- Our parents and relatives who disowned us or seemed or still seem to not want anything to do with us, up until date. Probably treated you so badly and you just could not believe it.
- Our friends who left us out in the cold, don’t check up anymore and probably before you would get to hear from them every week when they called to find out, “…form?” “Plan?..” because you were the life of the party and they knew it was always a good time with you around.
All these people may have thrown you out in the cold, talked ill about you, called you names, failed to come through when you went over and over your phone contact list looking for someone to talk to. If you are not a young mother, I am sure in the list above you can have one, two, three names of people who you felt smeared your face with cow dung. What I would like you to know is forgiveness is for you! Best believe it. I know not forgiving someone makes you walk with bile in your heart and every time you hear their name or see them, you wish so many worse things on them at the same time. Instead of walking around with that pain and plots of revenge and “drinking poison hoping then it kills the other person” know that, It is a choice to let go that you have to make, it is for You, for your own peace and not only is it a choice, it is a powerful choice. After all our God is a forgiving God so we as men and women need then to have an attitude of forgiveness as we go through life and it’s journeys.
As we walk in the journey of forgiving the 1, 2,3 ,4 we need to what forgiveness is not,
- It is not forgetting the wrong done to us. I know forgive and forget right? We have heard that quote so many times before but I find that people who ignore the offence done to them actually become bitter.
- It is not regaining automatic trust. People think just because you have forgiven them then things go back to how it is meant to be. NO! They need to learn to earn your trust back. YOU need to learn to trust them again.
- It is not removal of the consequence.
- It is not instant emotional healing. You have to give your heart time to heal from the disappointment and pain that came about. You have to work on that, I find for some people talking to their close friends helps achieve this faster, for some prayer! Which is the best ingredient if you ask me.
- Not restoring the same relationship. There are so many ladies who baby daddies come back after sometime. Just because they do and you have forgiven them does not necessarily mean you have to go back to dating or courting. You still can be amazing friends and co-parents and not be in a relationship. So do not feel obliged to.
- It is not a leverage of power. Just because you forgave someone doesn’t make you the weaker one in the story, just means you are strong enough to come to terms that we are all humans and we all make mistakes and everyone deserves forgiveness. I quote Mahatma Gandhi “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
Did you know that when we don’t forgive we actually give the other person power over us? Indirectly. So you need to be at a point where you do not let that which they did affect your life anymore and instead replace it with God controlling your life. How is that for a change?
Look at it this way…
Forgiveness is then to turn the key, Open the cell door and let the prisoner be free.
To write in large letters across a debt and say “you owe me nothing!”
To stand at a court room and declare the other person not guilty, yet they have done so much to you!
To let lose the anchor and set the ship to sail.
Need to read for my last paper for the semester, going down tomorrow but I will do another post on what is forgiveness soon enough.