It’s Always Harder Having To Do It With An Ex

The hardest thing sometimes is to sit down with someone you had a baby with and literally have nothing to talk about, then you start by talking about the ceiling color and why they make the mango juice so yellow and before you know it both of you are on Google looking for something unnecessary as you wait for your son to finish his banana ride so that he can come and make the mood lighter.

Co parenting is not an automatic easy thing especially for young parents who decided to part ways. I have this young couple around me who make it look so easy, even when we are out somewhere and my son is destroying people’s flowers and eating their mud and I act like I have not seen him because if I do it will be world war four because him and I already had three sometime back, lol and they are there doing it amazingly, taking turns carrying their daughter, feeding her, changing her as the other does something even if it is as irrelevant as replying a text message and finally when we all go home, each goes their own way and all the time I go like wooooow! Okay! Okay! How do you do it? People do share! However they do not hear me because that is just my inner voice screaming.

Co-parenting is essential because for me I want my baby to grow up knowing that both of us got him at all times, whether his life is all bambooocha or if he is feeling gasy after taking bottles of coca cola that have his name on the bottles, it is very important in terms of stability for the babies, parents do need to recognize. While the child is growing up he will understand that there were differences beyond you two but you solved it well to bring him up as a secure, responsible, virtuous human being and can even pick up amazing conflict solving mechanisms from how he sees you two are behaving. He also has both his first role models from heaven showing him how he ought to behave at all times. So you see, purposing to co parent for the sake of the little one is very important for their growth.

So I put on my invisible cloak on and decided to study how other mature sober minded young parents do it and I was able to pick up these:

Let it go. I am afraid someone might nickname me let it go. I say it so many times. The thing is it is super hard! Super! Trying to form a relationship with someone you feel ‘betrayed’ you or hurt you so much and this is what makes co parenting hard but start to think of it this way, that now you have a new relationship with this mama or baba of your child and the basis of your relationship is just baby/babies. You can even agree that all you talk about is just your LO. Purpose to! Try at least. So yes FOCUS ON THE CHILD/REN.

Do not talk badly about the other parent in front of the child. This also goes if you two are arguing; please make sure you do it away from the child. This also goes hand in hand with the parents making the children choose between the two parents, totally wrong. In case you also have something mean to tell your co parent, do not send your child to tell him. Eti,…”mummy, told me to tell you that you are a rude and inconsiderate man!” go tell him yourself if you really want him to know that or go all dramatic and tell your son to sing for him an Adelle song immediately he picks him up for their father-son bonding moments. Maybe a ‘someone like you’ kind of thing. 😀

Communication with one another. Talk, okay I know I said you can only talk about your child but you can also purpose to talk about different things. Communicate regularly; you can call them once a week. Another place also some of us go wrong is we demand for things. Do not make your sentences seem like you are demanding.

I the long run this will also have you on the same page unlike when baba says this and mama says this. So the child knows he can manipulate either of you into doing what he wants, ya’ll need to be on the same page.

p.s listen to the other person. Listen! and be patient while the other is talking.

Be a team when it comes to raising the baby. Come up with rules together, what they are meant to do and are not allowed to do. Agree on how they spend their holidays, where they go to school. You get the drift yea. Just be a team.

Do not use your child to get information from your X. especially maybe if the other is married. “enhee.. so kwa baba kuna nini mpya?”(What is new at baba’s place?) Some even ask if the wife cooks good food. No! She does not own a catering service company ma! *ties lesso and head band, hands akimbo, eyes ears wide open*

Go ye then and co parent in peace.

Love always,

Fi.

<3

As always if you have anything to add you feel I left out please do so in the comment section 🙂

  • Waji

    This message so good. Some of the advises apply to married parents too.

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