I am pregnant with you always, even if, you give me miscarriages.

Have you ever wished to have something or that someone or to be somewhere but no matter how much you tried, all you get is disappointed? This is where I say it is good to dream but achievements are not easy.
The woman in Somalia, She is an inspiration to me, She lives a life and a world she did not chose. Even though there is a stone in her heart and a force stronger than nature, “A dream” keeps her alive. I do not know what she is made of I would love to be that brave. If her dreams can come true then why not mine in the land of milk and honey.
I did not think that I would memorize this song in my heart…and my soul will sing along with it BEYONCE’S SONG…”LISTEN… I AM ALONE AT A CROSSROADS….”

dream3

 

It reminds me always of whom I am. Raquel has journeyed miles and miles to just make sense of who she is. I really wonder when it starts does it stop? Searching for something that no one sees it even your loved ones just wonder why are you troubled, who troubles you, and what makes you not to have enough sleep. God asks me why can’t I count my blessings and name them one by one. I tell my Father in Heaven “You know who I really am and what I have in mind is controversial.”
My journey to woman hood is a long and tough one; it’s one that takes a lot of heart, wisdom and drips my last drop of blood.
It might be your story for those who are ambitious…contentious
My life begins at 23, the time when I know how it feels to be between a rock and a hard place.
Raquel has done everything in her power to be who she is in reality. She wants to be self employed, inspirational, beauty is within her, an intelligent and diligent mind is what she is made of. She is made of everything, she is talented everywhere.
When you meet the wrong people in every aspect of your growth from 21 years of age and all they tell you, is that it’s impossible! It keeps me down but not my guard down because am a woman.
When all you get is bitter lemons in your lifetime. When all you do is try and try and all you get is a fall. I have tried to get my job dream but sad to say, that I did not get what I wanted and it’s more depressing when your friends just try to tell you, “You do not belong here”. My heart drips blood and not tears anymore………

dreams4

 

When you die hard trying.You are about to give up but your dreams keep you alive. When I tried to model and all I ever got was disappointed. I was a brand ambassador once but I was just a puppet in the making of an agency. Too many promises, too many expectations but there was always a miss somewhere. Why cannot we tell the truth because it saves time and energy?
When it crashes, crumbles, and tumbles all on you. When all you do is ask for something that even does not cost a thing. When your loved ones preach to you all the time to aim for your dreams and they cannot do any effort to give you a Stepping Stone.
When decisions are not a matter of wrong or write. When all you do is please your employer and there are too many blind spots and all you do is try making it right and right again even when your employer is on the wrong. When you have to say sorry so many times and it is not your fault.
All Raquel ever wanted is to have a peace of mind and let the guns of war keep silence for her.
When you are in the pressure zone of your parents…”When are the weddings bells going to ring?”I should have an heiress and heir to take my throne! I think it is time to stop being a parasite and you know what …you get a life!”
When your peers misguide you, they put all the salt to the wounds. Wounds not of flesh but of the heart because your dreams set a high bar for everyone and they become thorns on your flesh.

dream2

 

 

All they do is tell you and not provide a solvent. It is a matter of Take It! or Leave It!
Am a rose in the garden’s pride but the garden tells me that you have to blossom to become something and not anything, someone and not anyone and be somewhere and not anywhere. It’s an ultimatum! I do not have choices or options! I do not have the pleasure of justifying myself! For I am expectant and am hoping one day to conceive you.
Where do broken hearts go when all we do is break the heart into pieces? When all you do is telling me it is impossible to achieve my dreams. When you tell me that my dream job is hard to find, being a journalist” What is the need of making her heart breaking into millions of pieces.
Do you know how the heart is hard to mend it into whole because every time you break it a million more are reborn? Why do you have to make me go through the same fate, your journey full of struggles and pain, when all you can do, is give me a platform or your advice.
I ask only for a speck of gold, a little light to light my path in my turmoil. All I ask is for water, a priceless gift in nature. I do not want you to give me too much not to be disappointed.

dreams

I have sweated for you tears and blood. The miscarriages you have given me, when am pregnant with you, makes me cry at heart and not with my eyes. My nose cries also because the pain is too much to bear in my heart. I cry a river because my eyes cannot hold them at all.
Open the Fountain Gates of Heaven and let it Rain…Let me achieve who I am in real sense.
You do not have to make me a marionette because I am a woman. She is a woman of substance and you really know her time is precious. For when it goes it varnishes like thin air. The time she has is more precious than gold itself.
If somebody tells you, she is priceless; she would be telling a lie. Everyone has a price and I just named my price because I know how much am worth.

dreams

 

If am pregnant with my dream job and the result is negative, am paying the price of dreaming you many times.
I will never stop breaking the law for you .I will fight for you, I will ignore the alarms and the police, and I will do this till death do us part. These are the rules I have laid for you for am pregnant with you a thousand times. I do not care how much you tear me apart and break me down.
I do not care of how much you look down upon me for I can control you and I am a go getter. You have to become true in my world which is full of impossibilities. It does not matter at what age I will be when I have you in my hands.
Yes I have been lost; I once lost a virtue called dignity. A virtue that is held so highly in the society and when you lose it, it comes with a cost, one that is highly paid. Because I am pregnant with you, you cannot give me a break. It is hope against hope for you!
No matter what time it takes, or however I break, I will be right here waiting for you. I know no one told me life would be this way but I guess I chose to play this game because am self conscious of what am doing. I just thought you would know that I am pregnant with you always, even if, you give me miscarriages.

photo credits rosaanddaniel.com

photo credits rosaanddaniel.com

 

By Raquel.

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