Happy new year! so i decided I am just going to go with the happy new year vybe until my son stops saying it ,then that means the year ain’t new any more. so the other day one of the young mothers sent me a private message on whatsApp requesting me to remove her from the Amira Africa Young Mummy group. The next thing for me was to ask if there was a problem; because in the past we have hard a couple of wrangles between the mums, you know us women :p so i assumed that there was a problem and I hadn’t spotted it. so she went ahead and explained why she wanted to removed, she felt she was a bad mother and all the other mothers seem to be doing amazing in life yet here she was not in good terms with her baby daddy, not in school as she waits to go back, emotionally destroyed, her baby hitting the terrible two mark making her scream and shout for the better part of the day among many other things. she also said that she would suspend all her social media acounts and just chill and focus on herself and baby because more often than not she found herself comparing her journey with that of other young mothers in the group and on social media. After our conversation I then temporarily chucked her from the group to give her the space she deserves.
I know probably there are lots of young mothers or mothers in general who probably feel damn! i am the worst mother ever when you compare yourself to other mums (i do not know why you are doing the comparing ata hivyo, just stop! you are both different unique human mothers with amazing capabilities and no matter how much we try we can never be the other peson.) I tend to feel the same way at times, I worry about so much especially his future: to be honest I never want him to grow up feeling abadoned you know and I don’t know how I will react in future when he seats me down with all these questions. happens to the best of us i guess. Well enough about my worries… Know this, that people only put up the best of themselves out there? especially in social media. the best example would be when people upload their pictures of them looking like zeus and some goddess from mars, why mars? i dont know! some of these women you see with flawless makeup are the best drollers between 2am and 4am… so much pretty blood going in there(social media) and the updates are just about them trvelling to new places and eating good food, just good things going on in their lives etc etc and we dont know whether they spent all their money to travel and come back and eat ugali all week. not that ugali is bad food, but yes you get it. a few are human enough and just go all around, talk about both their success and failures. there was a time i heard someone say, “i don’t get why people put their problems on facebook, i mean why show the whole world what is happening in your life” and i thought.. well ‘why do people put the goodstuff only? why show the world what is happening in your life? Why would you rather people only see the good in you and not the human you? no one is perfect.. we all have cloudy days and sunny days. You are the reason this young mother was feeling like a bad person..’ but that is none of my business…. feel free to pretend not to be you!
I know there are some other thing apart from social media and mummy groups that make you feel like a bad mother such as yelling at them on impulse when they do something wrong, buying yourself something just to spoil yourself as well even when you told them you don’t have enough money to get them what they wanted… yOu know them! You should see how Chiiwo terrorizes me when we go for photoshoots together, where he is crying most of the time or wants to take his pictures with food that he is eating or eating the makeup artist brushes when she is busy trying to do a perfect cat eye on me or rolling on the floo just after i have changed him for the next shot. half of the time I am stressed out and would wish that he takes a cab home and just leaves me in peace but you won’t see me posting pictures of him throwing tantrums in the supermarket just because he saw mimooouse *micky mouse* and wants it. There I am shouting stop! Do not do that! ..Though there’s not a parent alive who hasn’t made mistakes but that’s not the same thing as us being bad mummies. Making mistakes doesn’t mean that this is all your fault. Making mistakes doesn’t mean we are doing a shoddy work with the kids, there is not one parent who has never lost her cool with her kids.
Let me share some tips when you are feeling like a bad mother:
Pray! i just finished the book “war Room”, one word, Amazing!! and aside from learning so much e.g praying for my future husband, I have been motivated to pray for my child and future children life. prayer renews your strength. pray! pray! pray about the feeling and watch it walk away!
Talk about it with people you trust. Talking about something always helps you to let it go.
Take a break from the things that are making you feel like a bad mother especially social media or the mother groups that you are in. Like my mummy friend who now I trust will feel so much better in a few days as it helps her discovers herself in the process as well.
Do something that you love. Whether it is travelling, dancing, reading a book, swimming! you do it to help you relax and burn the steam off.
Above it all: Everytime you feel like you are a bad mother just because of someone else remember do not judge your situation by someone elses’ sunny days, we all have rainbows even on rainy days; the fact that you are his or her mother should remind you that you have amazing things going on in your life.That’s your rainbow! think about all the happy moments that motherhood has brought in your life like the first time he laughed or called you mama! or when he kisses and hugs you and says wuyuuuuu which is I love you! *emotional sigh** All mothers have their own struggles as well.. I DON’T WANT YOU TO BEAT YOURSELF UP ANY MORE! sTOP!
photo credits: Google
We have a young mother event coming up on 12th of March. It is both inspirational and also a business event. If you would like to buy a table at the event do contact us through our facebook page Amira Africa or if you would love to support/sponsor the event as well 🙂 we will open up the signing up for the event atendants soon.
Anything you feel a mother can do to stop feeling like a bad mother? Let us talk!