This is part 2 of Esther Waruri’s story which began here.
Later on her friend came to keep me company and cheer me up. My sister was in so much denial that she kept on laughing and laughing saying there is no way my younger sister is pregnant. Days passed by and she acted like nothing happened and she never mentioned or talked to me about it. On the third day after she received the news is when she finally cracked and spoke her mind out. That morning I woke up and she was clearly waiting to say it all. She said so many mean and hurtful things to me and after that she went quiet for like a whole week giving me the painful silent treatment when I indeed needed her the most. All the words she said to me kept ringing in my mind of how I’m such a disappointment and a failure in life. Somehow I understood her reaction and that is why she had lashed out at me like that but still she had no right to say such things to me. She felt so disappointed because I was her responsibility and my actions would reflect back to her in that she would be blamed. I couldn’t take it anymore so I decided to talk to my cousin who is more of a brother to me. Sometime back he had told me that he would always have my back no matter what. He was very supportive, gave me a shoulder to cry on and we talked for a while plus I also mentioned to him that I wanted to go to the clinic and get checked how far I was and if my unborn child and I were healthy. During the conversation my baby daddy had contacted me asking if we could meet and I mentioned to him that if it has anything to do with terminating the pregnancy, I do not want to hear about it but apparently he wanted me to meet someone. At some point I thought maybe he wants me to meet up his cousin as mentioned earlier on.
My brother who had happened to over hear the conversation, wanted to accompany me. Later on I met up with the baby daddy. We met with his best friend who was also pregnant at that time or so she said and they acted as the mediators between us. I was certain all was well now. My brother advised him aborting is not an option and that he will offer me support me all the way through the pregnancy and even after I give birth. They hit it off quite well and he seemed on board on team pregnant. We agreed that I would go to the clinic the next day and give them feedback of what the doctor would tell me. After the tests I found out I was already 1 month and 1 week pregnant. That made me snap back to reality that it was now confirmed that I was with child. “You know what, this is my child and it’s high time I accept and take control of both our lives… so what if he doesn’t want us? So what if I’m in this alone? Many other women have done it by themselves so I sure can and my baby and I will be fine. I will put on my grown-up pants and stick through it no matter the challenges that we will meet on our way, we shall conquer the.. My baby depends on me. Being a mum starts by carrying her in my womb so i better start acting like one and a good one for that matter.”
It was high time I told my mother that I was pregnant because one way or another she would find out and it would be best if she heard it from me. So I decided to call but she did not pick up a couple of times. At that time I had taken all courage to tell her but unfortunately she did not pick. So I decided to inform the baby daddy about the results but all he did was pester me with question after question that weren’t helpful to either of us. I had to start taking good care of myself starting by not stressing myself so that my baby can be okay. Finally my mum called when I was deep asleep and I had to pick her call though I was a bit hesitant at first. So we talked and talked until it got to a point that I told her that I have something to tell her. At first I told her to guess and she was like, “First of all tell me how are you and your boyfriend?” I informed her we broke up like a week ago. I told her to guess again and all she said was “So you and him aren’t together and not in good terms therefore you are either pregnant or something”, so I just said that she is correct. She got quiet for like thirty seconds and just said that I should not worry it was okay and she is here for me. She asked me how far I was and if I was okay emotionally. I was just too surprised that she wasn’t mad at all but actually more supportive than ever. We talked for hours and hours as she encouraged me and we even prayed after the conversation.I remember how much I cried that night thanking God for my mum. How she took it so well and the thought of how supportive she was made me feel loved and gave me strength reminding me that my baby and I are not alone.
After a week my sister came around and she was there for me at all times. Now that my immediate family knew, I was at ease and the fact that I had accepted that I was pregnant made me happy and enjoy each day. Weeks passed and that was when B.D came around telling me how he misses me, loves me and wanted to be with me but without the baby. I told him that our baby wasn’t going anywhere and thus if he wanted to be with me, the baby is part of me. That was not what he wanted to hear so he said, “We both want different things and I don’t want ‘it’.” That is how he would always refer to our unborn child. He advised that we both go our separate ways since I had chosen his child to live. He actually never told his parent about our child up to this day. The thought of my child growing without his/her own biological father made my heart sink but I knew one day God would bring someone who would love both of us and more so love and accept my child as his own. As much as it ended it hurt me to the core how he reacted, how he could do that to me, most of all how he could reject his own flesh and blood. I had told him that I don’t want his financial support because my mum said she would support us since she understood we were both in campus with no jobs. All I needed from him was to be there for his child and I, to hold my hand through it all, to comfort me when emotions get all heavy on me, to go to clinics to hear about the growth of our child, to be present when our child was born in general just to be there for me emotionally, to support me as his girlfriend and mother of his child and most of all to be a responsible mature man and father to be. He walked away. Some of my friends walked away as well.
When I was in my second trimester my mum came back to Kenya after nine years and stayed for a month as we all eagerly waited for my baby bump to start showing. I remember my first ultra sound when I saw my baby and heard the heartbeat it was just AMAZING… I always looked forward to the clinic visits especially when my baby bump started showing. I did have weird cravings such as Fanta orange, pumpkin, ice cubes, chocolate, ice cream, fries and somehow I could not stand the smell of onions being cooked plus I could not eat chicken anymore. Every week that passed by I counted days and took note of any changes until the magical thing happened when she first kicked, I was overwhelmed. Every time she kicked I would smile and feel her and imagined how beautiful she or he is. At seven months I found out that i was having a baby girl, my mini me, my princess, now the shopping could begin!!!! Some days were harder than some because of the mood swings, uncomfortable nights, over the top appetite. My baby was all that kept me going and gave me the strength to get through each day eagerly waiting February 27th.
One morning I started having some pains on my lower back and my abdomen and I thought probably they would go away for I was only 8 months but they got so intense and I had to check in to hospital. I was experiencing preterm labor due to straining my body a lot and as a result I was required to be on bed rest. My sister and very close cousin of mine did a surprise baby shower for me. It was so much fun seeing all my friends who came to support us and the many gifts that they brought for my unborn child and I. The last month was very challenging as I was still on bed rest and my princess was so big and I felt like I was climbing mountains. The nights were sleepless since her kicks had gotten stronger.
Before I continue, allow me please to share something if you may.
My fellow single young mums who may have gone through the same journey or even worse than me and probably you are still hurting and wondering why he did that to you? Dwelling in the past will not do you any good but letting go and letting God to be with you and your child, to let Him guide you in all your plans, decisions, sacrifices, problems and challenges too. Time heals all wounds and everything happens for a reason and who are we to question? All we can do is ask Him to grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change ,the courage to change the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference. Be strong for your child who needs you because what matters is that you have each other and more so God is also with both of you. I am a proud mum and I am sharing my journey never knowing what my chronicles or someone else’s chronicles would do. With the hope of encouraging someone that they are not alone, with the hope of helping someone to make a decision and most of all with the hope of saving an innocents child’s life. In conclusion becoming a parent doesn’t change you, it makes you realize that the little people that you created deserve the very best of you, your love and time.
On 8th February in the evening I went into labor. My sister got home, packed the baby bag and we rushed to the hospital. Once we got there I was admitted, I was so scared when my sister and brother had to leave me in hospital all by myself. I kept on doubting myself whether I will be able to do this. I labored the whole night until the next day at mid day when the doctor had to run some tests on me. However the baby was too big they had to do an emergency C-section to avoid getting the baby under distress. I had prayed so hard for a normal delivery but what mattered most was the baby’s safety. So I called my mum and my sister to inform them about the C-section. On 9th February when I woke up after 45 minutes, there she was. The most beautiful soul I have ever seen. Manuela Wambui Waruri. I was in so much pain but the joy that over flowed my body that day I would not trade it for anything in this world. In as much as I could not hold her at that moment, she was mine. A lifetime of love. My 3.4 kg angel! After a while though the medicine got the best of me and I blacked out only to awake later unaware of the time but I was surrounded by friends and relatives holding and blessing my child.
I was filled with so much joy holding my daughter in my arms, I could not stop staring at her, her little eyes, her lovely eyes, her cute little nose, she was just so perfect but what amazed me was the spitting image she was of her father, how I wished he was there to share this moment with me. My sister was still there for me she would come each day for the four days I was in hospital and help me out with my baby as rested. Finally we went home and I was relieved since I would have enough help and I would be able to recover fast enough. I had people to help me around, my mother also came back. Thanksgiving in my heart was an understatement. It was just one of the best surprises. The first month was definitely challenging for me because the wound took time to heal and my baby needed my attention. I was recovering very slowly; I couldn’t hold her for long; take care of her or anything. The most I did was breastfeed her because I was required to rest a lot. We had the sleepless nights together and the continuous feelings of being worn out because of not having enough sleep.