Many a time we praise the young mother for choosing life amidst all the stigmatization and challenges that come with this new phase of life, yet we forget the young fathers. Instead we will be there to shun and talk for hours about all those who left their baby mamas and children. A page was created the other day on Facebook that seems set out to shame all the fathers who have walked away from their children. Or maybe the administrator of the page just wanted to create a platform where these young mothers vent; and immediately they log out of Facebook, they feel like a heavy burden has been lifted off their chest.
Occasionally my friends would text me asking me my opinion and what I thought about it; maybe just to get my opinion about the matter. But I would always reply that I have no comment for that. It is very important to dwell on the positive things of the past and not the negative ones. Also not forgetting the lessons you learn from it all.
Besides, life is too short to constantly talk about the negative things in life. If a page was created to praise the men who are there for their kids then I would comment and do so all day, everyday on the page. To me, those are the real leaders of the pride. Those are the men whom I truly respect. I spent a Sunday afternoon with these men and I was truly happy by the time we all departed to go back home. The stories they told me were quite inspiring, maybe soon I will be able to share them on the blog. Moses, for example, would D.J all night and at the break of dawn he would take a nap for he had to continue with schooling just to make money so that he could buy diapers BEFORE his baby was born. Anyway, that is a story for another day. Godfrey’s interview was done via phone for he was unable to come at the last moment due to the fact that baby Ethan is unwell 🙁 We wish baby Ethan a quick recovery! :*
I have so many best moments but my very best moment was the day my son laughed, it was hilarious! He was so happy and all because I was kissing his tiny feet. 🙂 What was or is your best father moment?
Godfrey: Hearing Ethan jump and scream at the sight of me. It always works wonders especially when I am down! (P.S. It always makes his mum jealous) 😀
Kenneth: Hmmm! That must be when I’m with baby at home and he’s smiling a lot. It’s like a circle, I can’t remember anything at that age but now when I look at baby I see everything perfectly.
Moses: Seeing and holding my daughter for the first time was, one word, AMAZING!!!
There are so many thoughts that go through a lady’s mind when she finds out that she is expectant, I have very little knowledge on what goes through the mind of their co parent judging from experience. What would you like to tell that man who is just from finding out that he is going to be a father?
Godfrey: Relax and take it easy! It’s not like you’ve killed the queen. I always believe that things happen for a reason and it’s up to you to decide whether you want to make the reason a good or a bad thing.
Kenneth: The moment you find out that you are going to be a father, breathe then focus. When I say breathe I mean take it in like a man then focus on the future because nine months may seem to be as far as the horizon but the truth is, if you are caught off guard you won’t like the experience at all, you’ll be stressed instead of enjoying the moment.
Moses: Every dad has fears that he won’t be a great dad, that he’ll be a failure,that he’ll mess up, that he is not ready to take care of a child, but far from it being a father will be a wonderful thing. I had doubts myself but I have come to realize that the greatest thing about being a dad is that you have this little person who grows and changes all the time. You’re never too sure how they’re going to develop next. It’s like unwrapping a surprise gift.Who doesn’t love gifts? You may be worried you are too young, not financially ready, that you are not in good terms with your unborn child`s mother but even if you can’t make it work with this girl, try. At least try everything you can to be a part of your child`s life.Now its officially time to grow up and assume as much responsibility as you can.Whatever your feelings towards the mother, you must do your level best to be absolutely respectful, considerate, and civil for the sake of your unborn child.Be there for your child, by doing so,you have just made an investment in life itself, the most precious investment there is and the magical moment will be when you hold your child in your arms for the first time.This will be something you will cherish forever, trust me. And it’s not all pain, the joy really does outweigh the former
If you happen to have read my Dear Teko Part One, I did not even know that I was expectant, it was my baby father who kept on telling me all the time and when I finally came to know I was shocked. How was your reaction?
Godfrey: All I can say was that I was really shocked. So shocked I couldn’t speak that day. But over time I manged to accept the situation at hand.
Kenneth: I was like, “The baby is coming and there is no turning back on him, I got myself here and I’m going to be there for him all the way.”
Moses: I felt joy, anticipation, elation, explosive excitement, anxiety, pride, self doubt, amazement and shear terror – all at once.
There are so many things that I would want to do that I used to do but I always follow this order; Chiiwo first then Chiiwo then Chiiwo again then the rest fall in place 🙂 what has changed in your life ever since you became a parent?
Godfrey: A lot of things have changed. I was so used to be a one man show but now every decision I make I make for two other people. Every penny I earn is no longer mine but ours and so fourth.
Kenneth: My life has changed a bit because now I try save more than before and the father instincts instantly got into me. Now I have to ask myself if baby will be proud of me if I did this or that. i.e i can’t rave the hole night. i got to be home at some point.
Moses: It’s amazing; it changed the way I look at the world, my priorities and it has brought me closer to God.fatherhood has changed the ways in which I view and experience life. Now, I find myself more motivated than ever to be the best person and dad I can be. While my decisions were previously driven mostly by my own needs and wants, they now center around the needs and wants of my child. This role has also helped me be a better friend, and to choose more wisely in the people I select as friends. I have realized that fatherhood has not changed me, it has made me, it has revealed my path,paved the way. It has made me who I am.
I do not know much about cars frankly speaking but if you were a car for a day which car would you be and the reason you would be that car?
Godfrey: Definitely an Audi TT. I love being unique in terms of the gadgets that I have. Take my Alcatel ot806 for example. I have stuck with this phone for a long time and I don’t see myself trading it anytime soon unless it goes dead on me.
Kenneth: Subaru WRX. It is associated with rowdiness and a don’t care attitude but I’m an introvert and I love it.
Moses: Definitely a Porsche and the reason is the car’s slogan: There is No Substitute.
What is your prayer, wish or advice for your angel?
Godfrey: Like every parent out there, I would like to see my son grow up into a hardworking and God fearing man and I would also like for him to never forget where he came from.
Kenneth: The advice I can tell him is if he’ll ever see this, is that life is too short to constantly worry. If you have a dream wake up and chase it.
Moses: The world is a dangerous place in many ways. I pray for physical, spiritual and emotional protection for my daughter.Above all, I pray that my daughter will develop strong relationships with the Lord.
To me life is all about being a better person everyday, making the life of those you know and those whom you do not better than it was a day before, that everyone has a race to run no matter the challenges that come our way, we must always keep our head up high.What philosophy do you live by as a person?
Godfrey: Whatever you do to a person, expect an equal or greater return on the same deed.
Kenneth: Plant good and the harvest will never disappoint but plant evil and evil will show you it’s real face.
Moses: No matter how little control we have over our situation, we almost always retain the power to choose what we believe. We can’t choose what situation we’re in, but we can choose how we interpret that situation and act on it.
“Behind every great man is a man greater, his father.” Habeeb Akande
“Fatherhood is all about honor” Okadia Fiona