Things Not to Tell A Single Mother

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zSWEMULtfd4/TlaDrZT8m7I/AAAAAAAAAho/R182z2mImOc/s1600/SuperMom-clipart1-192x300.pngHey! How is the going? Well I have been so busy of late trying to do a lot of school work here and there and today I just felt like putting up three posts to cover for the time I was missing in action and this is my last and third post for the day.

…but wait!!!!…. before I talk about that, well in a few weeks I would have been going to Philadelphia for the FORBES UNDER 30 SUMMIT *screaaam!!*  🙂 🙂 🙂 however saw the email too late and it is in two weeks’ time which would not have been enough for me to get a visa and go however something I have learned is that there are numerous opportunities for young people around the world all you have to do is be prepared to walk into them and p.s you can always be doing research on the net to find what works for you. So go ahead surprise yourself from now on, you never know. Wait!.. Maybe I should turn that into a separate blog post and tell you how everything went down and what is going on now…… *I will just stop there* see, life begins after you get a baby, just look on the bright side of it. Steam!! Steam!! Panda!! 😀

Yes.. sooo… things you should not tell a single mother.

I feel so bad for you.. why are you feeling bad for me? I am not complaining or am I?, so please do not tell single mothers that you feel bad for them. There are very many reasons that lead to one becoming a single mother and the least she needs from you is pity.

Children need their fathers as their role models especially boys and now he is growing up without a role model. Truth is, it is amazing for the biological dad to be there, after all that is his Godly right but if there are circumstances that will hinder this then grandparents, uncles do a remarkable job for sure.
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How can you allow your son to see his father after what he made you go through? The other day I shared with someone that it is your God given right to be there for your child just like I said above, I do not believe that another male should take up the title and be called ‘baba’ unless in circumstances where it is extremely hard and the father has refused responsibilities then there someone can take the babaright from him because at the end of the day who is a parent? From time and again I have told mothers do not let your relationship with the father affect his relationship with his child, if he wants to be there let him be there for his champ as well, after all blood is thicker than water and you are the water in this sense, hehe. However do note that only if he is responsible and will not be a bad example to the child. Sawa?

You should start dating. One can be alone and not lonely let me make that clear. I feel it is too much pressure for someone to constantly remind a single mother whose not dating that she should be with someone. Her status her choice, when she is ready she will go back in the game just do not remind her several times. A close friend of mine who has a baby always tells me how the ‘bae bus left her, hahaha and we laugh about it but yes she is ready to date now, for her one can tell her severally.

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Get someone to take care of the baby so we hang out. You see the way my priorities are set, I would rather spend time with the littu human. However if it is during the day and the place is child friendly we are on our way, he is my hand bag.

Do you know about birth control methods? I can’t believe I am about to compare the two. Anyway, here goes. You see the way we all know junk foods are bad for our health and we still sit down and eat junk every day, all day. It is the same thing, we are aware that we need to use protection in order not to get pregnant but somehow we just end up not for various reasons so my advice for you is team abstinence!

Is your child’s father in the picture? I understand that people who ask this are generally concerned or sometimes they just want to know if they are there or not but sometimes I feel this question is asked one to many times. If the mother is willing she will tell you. Every time I bring up the fact that I have an almost two year old human somewhere I am met with this question. My response is always.. Well.. people make choices they will not be proud of years to come for if I say yes or no I realized there are numerous sentences that will follow that I do not want to lend my ears to and this always makes the conversation end there and then and I follow it with “Do you love Spiderman?”
How do you afford everything? Being a single mother and all. There is a verse I love from the Bible, tried to look for it but could not find it and it talks about how the Lord provides for the birds in the air and therefore we as humans should not be worried about tomorrow. Someway, somehow everything works out for us.

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Oh my! It must be hard to find someone who will date you with a baby don’t you think? Well my opinion based on what someone told me a while back is this, if a man loves you he will take you as you are and with whom you come with. The only thing that can prevent someone from being with you is if they do not like your personality and who you are as a human being because they see that you are not compatible but not because you came with someone else’s baby.

Did you try to make it work between you both? Trust me, for me having children with different dads was never an option just like being a single parent but sometimes in life when you are not on the same page with someone, you exit or if you try everything and it is not working remember the wellbeing of the baby is the most important and you must ensure that is your priority.

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Did you consider an abortion? I would have had one if I was in the same position. I do not judge people who are prochoice because I know I would have easily been a victim of abortion because there are so many reasons as to why people carry out an abortion but please do not question my pro life beliefs. The mere fact of seeing my baby grow and glow everyday even though he loves pouring sand on my colored trousers, I love him oh so very much and if I could go back in time, I would choose him to live over and over again. You should hear him sing amazing grace, cutest thang ever!! *sigh*  🙂 🙂

You should date a single dad. Uhmm.. okay.. yes I should, lol.

I saw this quote the other day; your family legacy is determined by the actions you take today. I do not remember who wrote it though but think about it.

Have you said any of these things to a single mom before? Don’t be ashamed, let us know in the comment section what you said.

I will be writing a post on whether or not to include the father’s name in the birth certificate soon, please do share your thoughts on that before I do so I gather your sentiments on this specific topic.

Thank You for stopping by.

Love Fi <3

Also read things not to tell a new mother.

photo credits: Google 🙂

  • Frecia

    Love this piece!! The verse btw is from Matt 6:26.
    You’re welcome 🙂

    • Thank You Frecia 🙂

      Now I won’t forget it.

  • Jacinta kahwai

    Great work Fii

    On congrats on the FORBES UNDER THIRTY, you going places
    Haha those questions though, kwanza that one for ‘how did it happen?’ as if its not obvious, i hate it hahaha but i just got the correct answer:pple make choices that they may not……io
    Haha thnx

    • Thank you Jacinta! 🙂
      We are all destined for greater things ma’

      You are welcome.

  • Doreen kamawe

    Yes really nice read there ,i haven’t yet registered my son’s birth certificate please i need advice if his daddy should appear there.

    • I feel Esther’s reply is really good, what do you think?

  • Doreen kamawe

    Fii sorry,CONGRATULATIONS you trully going places bless you much.

    • Thank you Doreen 🙂 God bless you too!

      I am going if you are 🙂

  • Eva Mukami

    lovely post… 🙂 and the verse is Mathew 6:25-30. It encourages me too

    • Thank you Eva 🙂

      I will not forget next time for sure.

  • Esther

    On the baby daddy biz, i think he is the father, no doubt. His name should be there. If someone else wants to legally adopt him, you will just have to go through the processes. If he takes up the name of your future hubby, would be easier to put his passport and id names wt hubby’s name. Affidavit sio pesa mingi.
    N anyway, when you think about it, everything is a risk. Us guys wt our baby daddys present, may never marry or may God forbid, end up divorced and remarried. So.. In my view let the dad be the dad. Even if only on paper.

    • I love what you said Esther but there are also instances that it can be binding? yes? if you want his signature on something that will benefit the child and they may not want to just to be malicious or to hurt you. what do you feel a lady should do because there are mothers who have said they are having a hard time looking for him to do certain things by mere fact that his name is on that certificate. From a legal point of view??

  • Esther

    Btw in the event of seeking child maintenance, it would give you a harder time if he denies but that can always be cured by a dna test. In the event of his death, it would also be difficult to try and claim anything for your child,if you chose to, which he is entitled to btw. U wud have to start talking his family to do dna test, of which they wont co-operate or alternatively you start exhuming the body for dna. Shidaz.
    But having said that, it’s always a personal choice. U can decide you want nothing to do with him or his property now, but even if you change your mind later, it’s still your right.

    • exhuming bodies again. :O

      True Esther at the end of a day it all comes down to what both of you as parents want.

  • Essie

    Nice article dear.ur really doing a great job.aki u jus nailed it thse questions can be really annoying …like i feel so bad for u..am like hey why r u feeln bad fr me”kwani kuzaa ni ugonjwa”Lol..

  • I totally feel you on this post and looking forward to your next post as mine is still blank. Haven’t decided on what to do.

    Greece eat job mama…Keep it up

    • I hope it will be very informative so we can all learn as much as possible.
      I will do my best to bring out the best in it.

  • I meant Greeeeeat job mama…Autocorrect has a way of ruining everything. ..lol

    • hahahaha!! reasons I don’t have auto correct is because of that. I would rather just type the whole word.

  • waji

    Love the post
    About baby daddy, kama hayuko, kwa paper pia hawi. Coz anyone who knows about you and him akimuuliza anasema mtoto si wake unajilazimisha kwake!

  • frashia

    This is awesome, everybody should read this, be blessed for the good job.

  • Great read!
    To comment on the father and birth certificate issue; Being a victim of that growing up has been a challenge because despite my father’s absenteeism, he had to approve so much and in most instances he dint care to and he dint have presence. My opinion is if he has no business helping you exclude him . He can still be the father because he clearly is but for legalities sake, its better you agree to not rubber stamp it with documentation.
    Fiona Okadia. Have i ever told you just how proud of you i am. I think i have. Anyway…I AM PROUD OF YOU. For all the insight you are giving mothers, for the difference you are making, for running your race. Keep on keeping on.
    The few years i have known you i have seen you blossom to an amazing woman. Chiiwo is blessed to have you

  • Cynthia Ciki Waka

    I love love love this post!!! It’s such an easy read … It’s fun and it’s talking about serious issues without being too serious! I really enjoyed reading this. I feel like I was just listening to you talk ☺️☺️ Plus I tots agree with what you said. Though I think I’ve gotten so used to the “is the father in your life question that I don’t even mind it anymore ? … OMG! This is an old post. Just seen a comment from 7months ago ? Thought it was a new post! Loved it though

  • samoina wangui

    This right here, is gold!
    “My response is always.. Well.. people make choices they will not be
    proud of years to come for if I say yes or no I realized there are
    numerous sentences that will follow that I do not want to lend my ears
    to and this always makes the conversation end there and then and I
    follow it with “Do you love Spiderman?””

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