I had to go back to school Monday, for life had to go on. I told myself that it had to go on though really I did not believe in my own words. I did not want to attend the classes and instead opted to stay in my house and sleep or draw. Drawing gave me peace; it always does, however for a moment. I would draw different things from a lady balled up in her own world, a baby, a pregnant lady. Pretty much what was in my mind at that particular time. It was the only peace I could find though I still felt like a captive. After being in school for about a week and a half, there is this particular Wednesday my father called me back home requesting a dialogue. I thought that perhaps my brother had mentioned the ordeal to him or my boyfriend had gathered the courage and told him behind my back maybe to make things a bit easier for me and that is why he wanted a dialogue. On reaching home, he had a letter for me from the school informing me that I had been discontinued from school. At that point all I read was the reference on discontinuation I didn’t even get to read the rest so I wasn’t aware of why they wrote the letter. Maybe someone had snitched on me? However really would they discontinue me on such grounds? See that is the thing about fear and especially to those like me who are over thinkers. You tend to over think even the most simple line or statement without even going in to details. Later on I decided that I was going to read the letter to see how they had placed discontinuing me on the grounds of pregnancy only to find out it was because of failing two of my papers. Just to make you understand a bit in the department I was based one was not allowed to move to the next academic year in the event that they failed more than a paper; hence you would do a supplementary or a retake of the same so as to pass to be admitted in the following academic year. I had done both supplementary papers, however according to the results I had failed both of them again.
This should have made me happy, not the fact that I had failed but the fact that I was not attending my classes and thus class would be off my back but I just felt like it was too much. It is all pouring on me and I am not too sure I have the strength to hold myself together. How could I get a discontinuation in my first year? First the retakes are always easy if you ask me and immediately I had reached the pass mark, I left the room. to cut the long story short following my father’s advice I decided to apply for a remark. I had never dealt with public offices before and I did not know the horror that awaited me. Most of them just do not see the urgency in anything whatsoever. I literally went there everyday to ask them about my results, EVERYDAY! For now you see I had paid fees so they had frozen my financial account for I was not attending classes after I wrote a letter to them and they wanted to take forever giving me my results so that I could go on with the classes. I judged the universe for the dark days it was bringing my way but I counted my blessings that I had someone at least who took it upon himself to make sure I ate, gave me my daily dosage of hope and walked with me everyday. For an hour or so I could forget where I was.
One day however in my confusion and distress I walked in to my course administrator’s office and explained to her what was happening. I think it might have been the tears from my eyes or the look of hopelessness on my face that made her write a letter to our chairman requesting for my papers so that she could look at them and give me the results. For in less than a week I had got my results. I had failed one paper and I had passed the other one. Calculus *sigh* so I was allowed to continue with my classes and my financial account for school was unfrozen. The thing is even though now I had permission from the necessary authorities to continue with my classes I still was not happy. Every where I went, all I did, when I ate, when I took a shower i still felt like a prisoner. I wanted to be free! I think sometimes it is an unwritten law of physics when the world beats you down all you do is smile, or you are the one who laughs the loudest or dances the most or helps people the most. Apart from my boy friend who saw me cry most of the time even the littlest of things, all my other friends who would meet me would still be met by the jolly Miss fi who would laugh at anything and everything, not for a second did it cross their minds that all that I wanted was for freedom to marry me! Perhaps then I would be free from this particular nightmare that was now a reality. Free!
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