You Must Never Go There!

Hello Amira (princess) πŸ™‚

rongai one

I am just from laughing at these Rongai memes not knowing that it would lead to to a post today.

Would like you to imagine carrying a 90kg man on your back from town to Rongai? I bet you by the time you reach the railway club you shall have died from exhaustion or probably just dropped him at that point. Yes? Unless of course you have some really amazing body strength. That is the same thing that most ladies go through when they find out that they are pregnant in their teenage years or unmarried, they carry this heavy load in their hearts and just want to set it down a bit but hey! it is somehow impossible. Unlike this 90kg man that would be easy to set him down.. you have to carry it with you. Maybe the baby daddy rejected them after, maybe their parents threw them out, and their friends now gossip about them and do not want to be associated with them. So many things just happen to them and they can not do anything about it and they are depressed and loose all hope in life. I think being pregnant is not the end of life but the beginning of something beautiful and a lifetime of happiness. I kid you not just five or so months down the line you will look at your baby and you will feel so proud because you made one of the best decisions in your life to be pro life. My 90 kg man was forgiving myself, forgiving my co-parent.

I took it upon my self to as well to forgive my co-parent. It took me time to finally embrace the fact that I was going to be a mother at such a young age and it was not an easy task. Of course at times in my acceptance it would hit me and I would discourage myself by thinking that did not have the strength to continue in this journey but one thing I was a hundred percent sure was that I wanted my baby to live. He almost denied our baby the chance to live by almost causing a miscarriage. For a very long time I was angered and bitter when I remembered the incident and as a result I wanted to hurt him emotionally as well for what he had done to me. Only for some months down the line that I realized if you change your true self because someone else hurt you then it does not make you different from them. The fact also that it reached a point where he became completely disinterested in his own blood also just made me look at him in a different manner for he seemed to not honor his word and the promises that he had made to his unborn child when he found out he was on the way. Then one day I decided if I am going to raise my son in the best way I have to forgive his father as well. But first I had to forgive my self.

For a long time I was guarded by the principle that sex is only for marriage and hence I was not going to let that guard down for anything. And I also had this notion that many ladies who get pregnant so early must have been promiscuous and maybe to tone them down the universe decided that they bear a child outside the marital walls. So here I am, everything I said I could not do.. everything I said I will not become.. well here I am. Even though I did not realize it I was dealing with the cloud of unforgiving myself. Thus I denied the reality hoping that just maybe I will wake up and it will be a dream. Maybe you just found out that you are pregnant and probably you are like me, not wanting to forgive yourself and you are busy carrying this 90 kg man on your back everywhere you go. Set him down! forgive yourself!Β  For I will not lie you not it will prevent you from achieving so much because all you will think about is how you have let yourself down. This is the first step to the many steps you will take in this journey.

β€œThe weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Mahatma Gandhi

β€œThe truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” Steve Maraboli

My best quote is from Oprah when she says, β€œTrue forgiveness is when you can say, “Thank you for that experience.”

Here is the funny thing though, sometimes you just let go of all the wrong someone has done to you or how you feel you have wronged yourself, and then when something else happens you will tend to remember. I was a bit lucky to be able to list down to him all the areas I felt that he had let his son down, because to me it was all about my son. I also went ahead and told him that a part of me wanted to hurt him as well.In order for him to be able to forgive me as well. I had ceased to think about myself in this relationship or family that God had placed the three of us into. After which everything from then no longer seemed to pain me anymore. You may not be lucky enough to tell it to the baby father if you feel you are carrying that β€˜90kg’ man because of him or your friends or your family members who at that point threw you to the wind or made life more unbearable for you, but take it upon yourself to forgive them. Most of the time forgiveness is for the one wronged, to give you the peace of mind, to remove that burden from your heart.

Now I feel like a preacher more, so lets move to the next steps AFTER YOU FORGIVE AND DROP YOUR 90KG MAN πŸ™‚

forgive

  1. Just in case you have no support whatsoever especially from your people and also the baby’s father then you can save up for the delivery. I usually look at delivery as a very natural thing so unless there is an issue and one has to go through the caesarean. I prefer the natural way for there are benefits such as healing faster.You do not have to pick a very expensive hospital, just pick one where the service is good and they are clean and will take good care of you and your baby. I will share a list of good hospitals and their price ranges where one can go to depending on your region as well. I remember for I was very uncertain of what the future holds I used to go to a local private hospital just a kilometer or less by a hundred meters away from home. We live that far from the road. So I would walk to and fro. Their services were superb and they only charged me 100sh per visit and 500shs for the ultra scan. This was very easy for me to pay for myself. As long as your baby is healthy!
  2. Pray for the Lord’s strength, so that he can renew your strength everyday. Some days will be tougher than others. Some days you will be knocked to your knees, but even when your knees are down, your head should always remain high up drawing your strength from the Lord. Don’t only pray when times are tough, pray also when the days are heavenly. At all times. Pray for your unborn child as well and bless him or her everyday. Pray also for your co parent whether he is there for you two or not.
  3. Let’s go shopping shall we?! Shop and shop and shop for this angel of ours. All those pretty, cute things you can afford buy for him. Though some advice for you mum, babies seem to grow out of clothes very fast, so as you shop make sure you get larger ones as well. In as much as I love the new clothes, second hand baby clothes are so pretty and unique as well. Just disinfect them and wash them properly if you happen to buy some. Toy market, Gikomba markets have amazing varieties. Also research and research about mother hood and how your baby is developing day by day. Thank Google it has all this information for us. however here is the thing about motherhood, the internet and people will tell you all these facts and sometimes fiction but you only learn by being in that situation. I remember a month to my EDD my aunts wanted me to start eating sugarcane apparently it cleans the dirt from the baby’s skin. So I have no idea which component that the sugar cane has to carry out this function or how true this is. But yeaa.. I still ate though. Yes! Zawadi was still born white: D
  4. DO NOT FORGET YOUR VISITS TO THE DOCTOR. Go for them diligently and without fail on the prescribed days. Take all your supplements as required. Follow the doctor’s advice to the letter. I need that baby healthy! J So when he says no running.. Do not run. Cool?
  5. Rock your baby bump. Don’t think that I am blowing my own horn but I looked absolutely gorgeous with that bump. It was as if I was meant to be pregnant all the time and in addition I was glowing. I started buying clothes that would show it more. Occasionally I would pay for a professional shoot or I would take the pictures at home. For a long time I prayed it will not show for I was not ready yet. I was still coming to terms with it. Baby was size able until 8 months and that is when I woke up one morning and there it was beautifully attached to my body. Of course there is the aspect that if you have a very small tummy it will take time to show, but do not burst my bubble it was prayers for me. I just wanted people to see him now J so I posted photos every time I got an opportunity. I was happy! Just a few more weeks to go before I see this man. I knew it was a boy. πŸ™‚

 

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P.S: I do not having anything against anyone living in Rongai πŸ™‚

  • Kinya Elizabeth

    Strong mama right there! Super proud of you mama Chiiwo πŸ™‚

  • aka

    i am proud of you fiona GOD has destined alot for you may.u.be blessed forever

  • The truth!!! You told it well πŸ™‚ strong mama!!

  • Andre Sparks

    Very very VERY strong woman right there..remember a queen always holds up her chin head high or else her precious crown will fall…clearly your crown is still firmly in place. πŸ™‚

    • I love what you just said Andre πŸ™‚
      A queen always holds her chin high up or else it will fall.
      truly mine is not going anywhere

  • mkawasi

    proud of master Chiiwo
    great read!

    • Thank you for your comment Mkawasi,
      He is an amazing man! He had to come and run his race :,)

  • Ian M Kinyua

    That’s a good read right there man!!Fi hongera man:)
    Ps:No one really looks at the titles πŸ˜‰

    • Man!!! now I know. lol that no one really does.
      Thank you so much πŸ™‚ for the support as well

  • Lilian Kamau

    Awesome read,great advice.It is true,no one really knows anything until they have gone through it.learning many lessons dear.God bless Jay,God bless you and God bless the work of your work πŸ™‚

  • simeon

    you are doing good work madam okadia ……….i like all the articles

  • Sharon

    It takes time to forgive and accept some things in this life in order to completely live a comfortable life you must forgive those who wronged you.. Your amazing Fiona andkerp up with the good work your doing

    • Thank you Sharon!

      yes we must forgive one another, for we ourselves also are not right all the time. See I wanted to retaliate all the wrong done but that was not helping us in anyway. I also needed to be forgiven.

  • Ruth Wameyo

    Am proud of you my daughter, the best decision you made in life. You will never regret and all will be history. 90 percent that gossip carry guilt all their life, visit counsel services evey day just because they made a wrong decision to cover shame that is not shame.

    • Thank you so much Aunt Ruth, πŸ™‚

      For the support as well, <3

  • esther

    its funny how u always think, “how can someone get accidentally pregnant. thats so stupid”. until!!! one day its you. lol. thats when i became mo understanding of ppl. single mums didnt grow up wishing to be single mums and divorcees didnt grow up wishing to b divorced. et cetera et cetera. congratulations mama Chiiwo for ur journey and for how far you have come. even mentally. and u really did rock that baby bump!

    • Thank you Esther! I wanted to post all of them but they are so many. πŸ™‚
      So true, it is as if the universe does so to show us something, right?
      You can not even imagine how I asked myself so many questions at that time. The main one was, but it was only one person. Why am I being punished?

  • nyangi

    wow!! someone somewhere has really been encouraged jus by reading this!! many of us really struggle with issues of forgiveness….both self nd others!!! good read dada!!! keep it up!!!

    • Thank you dada πŸ™‚
      Forgiveness awards us with peace in the heart.

  • Granger S

    i remember you posting these pics on your fb and I didn’t believe you were preg until your Son was born (cleary i’m a doubting thomas) anyway your courage is admirable fii…proud of you ..keep up the good work..& i’m a big fan of your blog

    • Thank you so much Sonia πŸ™‚
      to see is to believe I guess.

  • peter

    keep talking.i approve..hehe

    • hahaha Peter you approve?
      Do not remember asking for permission to do so but sure I will keep on talking or rather writing πŸ˜›

  • peter

    and i love those dresses..cute bump i never saw though hmph..looking good

  • Brenda Walove

    Fifi mama,this is so beautifully written. Clearly shows that you’v come a long way. Such a bold step to write this and encourage other mums.
    I wish you n Chiwo all the best in this journey.
    Gold stars mama :-*

  • Diana

    I have at least 10 years on you babe but I feel that I have learnt much and still have more to learn from you super sister! Keep doing you wonderful thing. My sister is about your age and I shall introduce her to your blog. God bless you and Chiwa much πŸ™‚

  • Diana

    I have at least 10 years on you babe but I feel that I have learnt much and still have more to learn from you super sister! Keep doing you wonderful thing. My sister is about your age and I shall introduce her to your blog. God bless you and Chiwo much πŸ™‚

    • Diana,
      Thank you so much, for an elder person to learn from me is simply humbling. you have humbled me today :’. Ahsante.

      Yes please do introduce her,highly appreciated.

  • Pingback: Forgiveness IS HEALING For Your Soul. – Amira Africa()

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